A Civil War Valentine’s Day Card (Library Company of Philadelphia)

By the time of the Civil War, Valentine’s Day was already a well-established holiday. Couples would exchange tokens of affection, including homemade gifts. Merchants capitalized on the separation of loved ones, marketing ready-made cards (some with funny messages, others with sentimental ones) and care packages that could be mailed to sweethearts far from home, helping soldiers and their partners stay connected across great distances.

Clara Barton did not send any Valentines during the war. Clara’s love life is a topic of speculation and fascination. One of the most common questions people ask me about her on tours is if she ever married. The answer to that question is “no.” Abstaining from marriage is one of the many ways Clara defied nineteenth-century gender expectations. But that does not mean she didn’t have a love life. During her Civil War years, there are several men who often come up. 

The most credible evidence of a romantic entanglement that Clara may have been involved with during the war was her relationship with Colonel John J. Elwell. The two met in 1863 when Clara was assisting the Army in Port Royal and Hilton Head, SC. She nursed him back to health and their relationship intensified over time. The two had rooms next door to each other and took advantage of the arrangement. Elwell called Clara his “Birdie.”

John J. Elwell in uniform (Wikimedia)

Elwell, however, was married with children, so the two remained discreet. When Clara decided to leave South Carolina, Elwell was distraught. He remained with his wife until she died in 1890, but also kept a picture of Clara on his wall. 

In 1876, they exchanged a series of letters that showed feelings still lingered. He wrote:

“I can never make known to you how much your womans love did for me — In your own language written at Port Royal – “some of those hours and words were to be in after life, golden threads, wove into the web of live; there to shine forever & ever.” They do shine & grow brighter & brighter as the years glide over them. How I would love to wed My dear one again — to give her poor worn nervous system a little of my strength. — Yes, I would! … God be good to my old time friend & touch her tenderly”

Another soldier Clara has been linked to in South Carolina was Captain James H. Hale. He was a quartermaster and her constant companion. Surviving letters between the two have a warm tone. Evidence of any affair between the two, however, is non-existent beyond the speculation that they spent a lot of time together and enjoyed each other’s company.

There was some gossip in Washington, D.C. that Clara may have been having an affair with Senator Henry Wilson. Very little evidence supports these rumors. Senator Wilson and Clara did visit each other often, including occasionally at night. But there is no proof they were anything more than friends who had a strong working relationship and shared dedication to the war effort.

Portrait of Clara Barton (Library of Congress)

Clara’s most straightforward relationship to study is the only one she ever openly admitted to. In her eyes she was “married to the service.” Time and time again, she prioritized war work over self-interest. As a woman there were rules imposed by societal norms of the time that Clara had to follow. When Clara visited camps, she was required to always always have a male escort to avoid the appearance of impropriety. It took a monumental effort, and intervention from Senator Wilson, for Clara to get her first pass to the front because men did not believe it was any place for a lady. She took her obligations to the soldiers, whom she lovingly referred to as “her boys,” very seriously and removed herself from the comforts of a typical life–including a love life–to put herself in harm’s way to aid them instead.

About the Author

Roy Blumenfeld is a history enthusiast and volunteer docent at the Clara Barton Missing Soldiers Office Museum. He holds a BS in Political Science from Appalachian State University.

Sources

Websites 

1. “Civil War Valentines.” The Civil War Monitor, 14 Feb. 2012,  www.civilwarmonitor.com/civil-war-valentines/
2. The Cleveland Civil War Roundtable Article

“Clara Barton and Clevelander John J. Elwell: A Civil War Romance.” Cleveland Civil War Roundtable, 2021, www.clevelandcivilwarroundtable.com/clara-barton-and-clevelander-john-j-elwell-a-civil-war-romance/.

3. The National Museum of Civil War Medicine Article

“Senator Henry Wilson.” National Museum of Civil War Medicine, 3 May 2017, www.civilwarmed.org/surgeons-call/henry-wilson/ 

Books

1. Oates, Stephen B. Woman of Valor: Clara Barton and the Civil War. Kent State University Press, 1996.
2. Pryor, Elizabeth Brown. Clara Barton: Professional Angel. University of Pennsylvania Press, 1987.